The first time I sewed, I was upset.

It was the beginning of the summer after Covid had hit the world, and I couldn’t find an internship. Many of the ones I had applied to in the fall and spring had been rescinded. I had just rejected an offer in Texas before Covid because I didn’t want to relocate at that time, but I was regretting it. I had discovered how competitive STEM could be, and I felt like my career was doomed.

I now can see that maybe was a tad bit overdramatic, but that little voice in the back of my head was very loud those days. As it was lonely being stuck at home doing differential equations at my shaky Walmart desk all day. It was a tough time to be alive, whether you were struggling with an increased workload, decreased opportunities, financial difficulties, loved ones getting sick, or fear of your loved ones or yourself getting sick. And social isolation, while it seemed like the right thing to do and was saving lives before we had a vaccine, was messing with everyone’s moods and outlooks.

I decided that I needed an outlet, so I did something I always wanted to do, but had been scared to try – sew. I went into my mom’s sewing kit and then realized I didn’t have any fabric, so I grabbed… an old sock.

I cut up the sock and sewed it into a scrunchie using a tutorial I found online. Threading the needle took me ten minutes and I accidentally ripped some of the fabric, but after a bit I got into a groove and was having fun. I brought my water bottle out onto my parent’s deck to finish and enjoyed the breeze, and felt myself take some deep breathes and relax in a way that I hadn’t for a while.

The final result was honestly quite ugly. I had spaced the stitches too far away so it didn’t look smooth, and the fabric I was working with was pilled. The sock had been a black background with neon swirls, sort of like the floor of a chuckee cheese or arcade.

I wasn’t sure if I was cut out for sewing. After all, I had gotten a B in art class. My handwriting was, and still is, atrocious despite any efforts.

BUT, it was fun. It was relaxing. After months of stressing about everything, I finally unclenched my jaw. It reminded me that we don’t need to be good at something to do something we enjoy. School had been drilling the opposite into my head – I had to put my all into schoolwork or fall behind and fail. I was tired and anxious.

So (sew? haha) I kept sewing.

It felt like a lesson relearned from childhood. I needed to mend my stress and energy levels, and one way I could do that was turn an unmatched sock into something to keep hair off my neck. To mend my stress, I could mend something small. Creating something helped me realize my worth and find my mellow.

The most amazing thing I was that I had MORE energy AFTER sewing than I had BEFORE. I realized that it wasn’t really energy per say, but motivation and joy that sparked life back into me and made me want to do rather than just take a nap or wallow in the news of the day.

My new goal I’m setting for you, my dear reader, is to find your mellow. After a long day of being a responsible adult, do you want to make something new and challenge yourself? Or would you rather sit down with some crochet yarn and your favorite beverage (some low sugar grape juice or tea for me) and listen to an audio book or podcast? Do you want something you can do with friends? This will probably be something different depending on the season of your life and what excites you.

Thanks for mending with me!

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